


Peonies From The Heart

by Charolastra



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Bisexual Zoe Murphy, F/F, Hanahaki Disease, Lesbian Alana Beck, Lesbian Character of Color, Nonbinary Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-13
Updated: 2019-09-13
Packaged: 2020-11-02 04:27:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20621588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charolastra/pseuds/Charolastra
Summary: Alana Beck has had it out for Zoe since sophomore year. Months of pining and late-night hype sessions prepared her for the day the two would start dating, but nothing would prepare her for Evan Hansen.Evan Hansen, the kid who almost nobody noticed. Senior year, he's suddenly more confident, more sociable; Just...more.Alana comes down with a cough first.





	Peonies From The Heart

The first time Alana endeavored for a date with Zoe, she appeared at her door, dressed to the 9's. She rocked her hips side to side as she rang her doorbell, listening to her own beat; the long pink skirt hugging her waist swishing with her. The then-sophomore had already practiced every motion, every move, every smile or bat of her eyes. Tucking her red and white-striped shirt into her skirt just so, fidgeting with her hands to seem adorably nervous, touching and touching the bow settled in front of her tightly-wound bun. Every move she performed for Zoe would look real. She made sure of it, eliminating her chances of messing up by acting studious, rehearsed, planned.

Zoe answered the door.

Alana presented her with a bouqet of peonies. 

They went to a museum together. 

A week later, Alana ceased to expel full flowers. Petals still floated down the rivulets of saliva coughed from her depths. A week after that, merely seeds. She sneezed them every so often. A week after that, Zoe asked her to be her girlfriend.

Zoe had one of the peonies pressed for their one month. Another one after that, and after that, until as many of the peonies Alana had vomited and cleaned for her that first night were pressed and sealed, little reminders of the time Alana was getting sicker, sicker, sicker yet, until she put herself right in front of Zoe and informed her she was an option.

Zoe was so very doting--much more than Alana had ever expected of her. She appeared with chocolates and coffees, inviting herself to Alana's after school. By 8, they would be tangled up on the beaten leather couch, Zoe perched on Alana's lap, one arm around her shoulders, the other on her waist, any movie or TV show playing becoming forgotten white noise. They mumbled their love for each other between rushed kisses in the dark, obscured from scornful eyes of parents and stupid brothers. And when Alana divulged her racing thoughts, Zoe would press her forehead to hers. Alana would go silent, counting the deep breaths Zoe took, the air fluttering onto her cheeks. 

Zoe always wanted contact. Always, always. Her hand _must_ be held in Alana's presence. They must sit close enough to touch. She had to know Alana was there. Like a bomb going off too close, the love Zoe had for Alana almost stole her breath--but it gave her all the oxygen she needed, too. Paradoxically. Heaven existed in the curve of Zoe's hips, the cleft below her lips, the long blond lashes she peered through. Zoe had no idea, when Alana's eyes became doey and wet, that she had saved her life by loving her.

Broaching their one year mark, Alana began to cough. For the first time in months, she cleared her throat and dislodged several raindrop-shaped seeds. 

She threw them out without a second thought.

They were in biology together, mercifully, second semester. The seating chart was jumbled. Zoe had a new partner. Evan Hansen thieved their forty-five minutes of contact during school. 

Zoe started texting him more often. Later and later, Zoe stayed at his house, apologising to Alana for how long their project was taking. Zoe texted less often.

Alana began to spit petals.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, there will be another part! I was eager to post this bit, so chapter 2 of 2 will be coming out sometime this week or early next week (Sept. 13th, 2019). 
> 
> Chapter 2 will be much more graphic. Be warned.


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